Trust

                                            As for God, His way is perfect;
                                           The Word of The Lord is proven;
                                         He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
                                                                Psalm 18:28
      Tonight I am thinking about what to say here and how God's Word works in my life on a day to day basis. I know I have the answer to this but the problem is expressing it on a blog.
   What I know is that I have depended on God's Word for years. The Bible is what I have relied on through many times of good and bad. There have been times of fear that overtook me and debilitated me. It was in those times that God's Word sustained me and got me on my feet again. A Scripture God gave me through my prayers of desperation was in 2 Timothy 1: 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.   I don't know if you have ever had fear like what I have had, but I know that my mind was not sound when I was in that state of fear.
    When my son died God graciously gave me Scripture in this same book I have headed this blog start with. Psalm 18: and verses 16-19 ~~ He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but The Lord was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me. Before I move on from this verse that I believe God gave me I need to give a disclaimer here . I am in no way saying that God is for suicide or that he was behind my son's actions and supporting his decision to take his own life. I see these verses as comfort for me, the mother, in that God wanted me to see that my son was in a desperate place and in that desperation he made a decision and acted on it while very drunk. In God's great mercy and grace he allowed this and he rescued my young son and took him to his spacious place with my Heavenly Father and I was given this verse for that reason . I do not wish to receive responses that criticize my reasoning as this is not up for debate . This is what I believe and I am sharing it here with you. I pray you will be able to accept this and appreciate the nature of my sensitivity here after having lost a son .
     So my trust is in The Lord who gave his words of life and truth , a manual for living . There are many more Scritures that have been my shield and been proven in my life. The trust has gained ground and I pray will continue to keep gaining ground as I know life is hard and I need more dependence on God!
   Lord Jesus ,
 You have seen me through many tough times and many losses and gains. I am stronger from having had you show me your way through your word. I pray for any who read this blog to hear what you desire for them to hear. I ask that you would continue to use your word to strengthen and keep me and  all who seek to know you through your word. In Jesus I pray. amen. 

The day after

                                  Yesterday we had our thanksgiving meal at my dads .
My husband and I prepared every thing for our meal here then drove the forty five minutes down to his house to share in this blessing God had provided for us. A guy who works with my husband was blessed with a couple successes at hunting and blessed us with some venison. My father was a hunter and much of what we ate for meat through the winters was venison. He loves it ! So we decided why not give dad what he loves.  The sad part is his sense of taste and smell are pretty much gone and dad has lost his interest even in his favorite foods. Nonetheless we took the venison and our love for dad and the rich desire to bless him with us.
   It was a simple meal and full of talk, mostly from my dad. He loves to share his stories of life lived and struggles fought through childhood to World War Two and the life with my mom with all us kids. By this time we have heard many of these same stories many times over, but we know we are already doing repeats of our stories when given the chance to share . It is all good and dad is sharing his blessings of life lived, not just survived, and lived well.
    It's hard to watch your parents deteriorate and have one pass already. My dad and mom were married sixty one years when she left him. He misses her so much and it has been hard for him these five years without her . What once was a simple pleasure of a thanksgiving meal has now become a painful piece with memories of loved ones gone ahead. I watch my dad and feel the pain of his passing before it has even arrived . The full knowing of what it is to lose loved ones heavy in my chest , my mind, my being, over takes me . I know I cannot stop it! So I try to relax and enjoy this time that may very well be his last thanksgiving meal here . I have been given a gift of my dad's time on this Thanksgiving day. What a blessing from God!
     I sit with two wonderful men and share a meal on a special day. I am thankful for my husband and the way he listens intently to old war stories that I know he has heard more times than I have. I am thankful for one more visit with my dad and a couple pictures taken of us with him . We pray before we leave as we prayed before our meal. We ask for Gods blessing on dad and we leave . The teacher of prayer to me is now having me pray for him . A gift it is to me a daughter .
   My Heavenly Father is the true giver of prayer and of the answerer  of those prayers . So I bow my head and pray in the name of His Son Jesus and I say : Father God, my dad is yours and he is ready to see you when you call him. Bless what days he has left and bless us as we see the parting of yet another loved one from this life. Thank you Father for the gift of life, and family, and eternal life which is ours in Christ Jesus. Amen
    

Thanksgiving Day

                       Happy Thanksgiving Day !
         Tomorrow is Thanksgiving day and our plans are set.
Today my thoughts are on tomorrow and what needs to be done today in preparation.Thanksgiving day used to be much busier when the kids were all younger and we did our special days here and together. Now  it is usually just my husband and I.I don't remember the first time it happened that no one came home but only a year or two now. We did  a chicken roast instead of a full turkey and it was nice to have one another to be thankful with.But a sense of bittersweet was in the day.
   Now this year we will go see my dad and spend Thanksgiving with him. He is alone and has been without my mom for five years. Hardly believable that she has been gone that long and that our dear son has been gone that long in December. So are we thankful? Yes. There is always a reason for thanks, although I have not always seen it that way since my son's death. My dad is not well and has had one major heart attack and some strokes in the last year and a half. At the time they said six months was about all he would get. They were wrong, our times our in God's hands. So now we have the privilege to go and bring a meal of venison and foods to show our love and appreciation for my dad and to God on this years Thanksgiving day. 
       I am feeling strange at the excitement I have about this. This is due to the fact that I am moving to a new place in my grief process. It seems some how wrong to be ready to feel new life again when my son and my mom are no longer here. I know this excitement is good and I am Thankful for it... But.. It is some how wrong. I keep being hit by the reality of them being gone and the upcoming anniversary of my sons leaving. I am already focused on that night,the shock and the loss. IT comes without being invited. I am already in my mind trekking to his grave in December at the hour of his death. I am standing with my family and we are talking and lighting candles, we are some how experiencing him being here by our being there that night, at that time when he ended his life. My heart is grieved and cries its own tears, in its own way, without my being able to control it. And yet, I am also excited that I get to be here in the moment, living the now. I have a father who is still here and he is lonely for my mom. I, too, miss my mom and it is a bittersweet thanksgiving without her. 
     So we will go and bring the blessing of food.We will Thank God we have food, so many do not. We pray for those who do not. 
        This morning a devotional I read had the verses from Psalms 68:5-6 in it. I have read these verses before and was stopped then, as now, by the words in verse 6 a where it says: "God sets the lonely in families...". I am sort of a literal thinker so for me this was a question moment. I have felt lonely within my family so my  thoughts were, was that a God thing? I had to do some research and see what a commentary had to say about this . My Life Application NIV Bible has a commentary at the bottom of the pages so I checked it out. It says that, " If you are lonely or disadvantaged, join David ( The writer of this Psalm ) in praise, and discover great joy from loving and praising God." For me I sensed now that it isn't that God makes some lonely people in families as my literal mind had thought, but that, He, God, is the one who sets those lonely people into families and can bring a praise and help to those who are lonely. The whole of this verse 6 says:" God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."
   I don't want to be living in a sun-scorched land so I am praying with thanksgiving for the process of grief and the deliverance from the lonely places I have been living in. I am thankful for my dad being here still and the gift of his acceptance of our coming to him to bring a small feast of blessings . But  I am most thankful that I feel my dad's gracious acceptance of our presence. I am even more grateful to God, my heavenly Father, who graced me with his Son Jesus so that one day when my dad leaves this world and when I leave this world , we will enter into God's presence and have eternity to feast at his table with a pure and righteous Thanksgiving .  
   Lord Jesus ,
 As we head into tomorrow with the  plan of being more aware of Thanksgiving I pray that we will be mindful of those who don't have what we have. That your Grace would deliver to these who are lonely and needy the provisions they need to get help and feeding, every day not just on thanksgiving day. Lord for those who do not know you, that they would come to know you and be setting their sights on eternity with you. Thank you Lord Jesus! I love you and I thank you for your gift of salvation. Amen.
 For any interested here is a Scripture to check out. John 3: 16-18 
 Happy Thanksgiving to you! 

Todays Difference

                         The change is welcome in the weather today.
Although it is still very cold there has been wonderful sunshine all day. The sunroom was the place to  be this morning . I miss the sun now at the front of the house as now I am feeling this coldness.

  I am always concerned for my hens and my rooster when we get to the bite of cold. I know they are birds and we have them inclosed and protected, but somehow I still feel it is unnatural to have them without heat. I always try to remember how God has given them all they need for this weather and he will take care of them. Maybe to some this is just absurd I would be so concerned for some chickens but I am there caretaker and I take this seriously. 

      I am thankful that, God, who created me takes his job seriously and cares for my every need. Some days I am so needy and feel the coldness of this life and can't seem to get enough warmth from the inclosure of God's hand I am kept safely in. It is not due to a failure on his part. I am sure of this. I just need to snuggle in closer to his word and meet him in the quiet of the sunroom, or wherever it is I can sneak off too, and pray and wait for the great love he has for me to reach my own cold heart. He is there and he is active and keeping me but I have some how lost the sense of the care he has and the love that surrounds me . Maybe I am listening to lies I have had for years about me . Or maybe I am just in need physically of rest or food or some specific thing that is distracting me from Hs presence. 

      It is a blessing he incloses me in his Love and Care or I do believe I would freeze in my own lack of inability to reach my needs. So today I was able to see His provision of sunlight and feel the warmth of it. I am so thankful for that. I need to focus on thanksgiving and not just due to the week being the one we celebrate Thanksgiving. I need it to rule the fire of my heart to live well. I need it to be able to go on when it's  not so easy. I am missing my mom and my son, as is the case, more intensely this time of year. My thoughts go to them and the empty places they have left within me. It makes the cold more intolerable and my heart wants to just roll up into a ball and sleep or not participate in life. So Thankfulness is my warm blanket and God is the reason for the Thankfulness. 

                              1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 

Rejoice aways, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

                                Philippians 4: 6-8

 " Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers,

     whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things"

  Lord Jesus , 

You have hemmed me in behind and before, you lay your hand upon me, Psalm 139:5 , and you give me songs in the night to keep my heart thinking on you. I need your presence as we deal with this winter of cold and snow and harshness. I need you as my spirit sinks into this harsh time of pain and memories of loss and heartache. Thank you that you keep me inclosed and protected from the weather of life. Some times it is not as warm as I want and I even get some losses but you never leave me and always take care of me. Thank you Jesus . Amen. 

Searched and Known

                                                                 Psalm 139:1
This week in the A Confident Heart online Bible study we have the verse in Psalms 139 and verse 1 to unpack if we want to.  This verse says, "O Lord, you have searched me and known me."

    I want to examine this searching and being known that is brought out to me in this verse.
The searching is being done by The Lord and he has searched me according to this verse. Searched is past tense so it has already been done and I can not help but wonder what he has found out about me? I mean really this is " The Lord !" who has searched me. As much as I have made this out to be a dreaded thing that he has searched me and found out something , the truth is I take comfort in this . Yes I really do! This scripture says he not only has searched me but that he knows me and this is a blessing to me because if I read further in this very chapter it tells me more about who it is that has searched me and known me.
                                        Psalm 139: 2 - 6 goes on to tell me this :
You know my sitting down and my rising up; you understand my thoughts afar off. You comprehend my path and  My lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, you know it altogether . You have hedged me behind and before, and laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful  for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
    So I can take heart that this Lord God who has searched me cares deeply as he knows when I sit and rise and even understands my thoughts from far away . Look I don't mind telling you I  don't even always understand my own thoughts, and that God does and that he has searched this all out and pays attention . Wow! And then he says He comprehends my path ?  So he grasps and understands my path and so many times I cannot figure why I do intuitively the things I do. And seriously, not many would care enough to be acquainted with all my ways! But this says God does. He knows a word before it is even on my tongue, so even before I know what will be in my own thoughts He knows. Again I say wow! And he not only knows it knows it altogether .
  It says he has hedged me in behind and before and has laid his hand on me. Hedged : cover, guard,cushion,protect , safe guard, encircle, surround . And the fact that, he ~ God, has laid his hand on me , wow, I am in awe! I don't know about you but I know for me I feel a sense of security and of being greatly loved by my God that he the creator of the universe would stoop to his creation and be so involved.
   Lord God,
 Thank you that you are so deeply involved in my life. You know all about me and yet , you still love me and stick by me. You understand me and still cover me, protect me and surround me with your great  and unfailing love. I , too, like the Psalmist say : " Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it." I can, however, say, Thank you for all you are and have for me . In Jesus I stand and pray . Amen

Sun and Light

                                        What an amazing sunny day we have received today.
The photo above is not from today but it does show the sun and light I see and feel today. I am so thankful for sunny Fall days with out the deep cold it could have.  Yet another reprieve from blustery and cold days. Yesterday was opposite of today here in Vermont with strong winds and snow flurries all day into the night. I went to bed so cold and today I am blessed with the sun and warmer temperatures  it brought . More gifts from the gift giver. Thank you, Lord!
   We are fast approaching Thanksgiving and unlike a number of my friends I have not posted to face book daily things I am thankful for. I have been saying thank you to God within my daily prayers and petitions. So today I say thank you to God and any one who reads this blog of mine for the gift of showing up and caring to hear my heart and bless me with your presence. The other day I posted a piece about shining my light and today I am again thinking lots about my light and what that light is in this world I live in. As it would happen I am doing this online Bible study through the Proverbs 31 ministries and the book we are using is : A Confident Heart by Renee Swope.  The chapter we are in is talking about our personalities and how "God created us with unique personalities, God-given passions,and abilities that can help others, as well as spiritual giftedness and life experiences that prepare and equip us for His plans and purposes.."~~ page 139 of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope.
    I know that God has plans for me and that he has given me His light to shine out in the darkness to bring encouragement and hope and my unique perspective to others. I am not often able to express such a strong statement about myself, especially out for others to hear, or in this case read. But I am growing from this study and many others I have been doing over this last year, or two. I need to step up to the plate and start taking courage that God brought me into this world for a purpose and that I do have purpose and His grace and strength to be able to stand up and be counted as worthy to be among the living and loving to be alive. The title to my blog, Life is for Living Today, was set for me the day my precious son took his life and I walked through the hospital emergency room and was hit with such devastating news. That day God gave me those words, that thought, and I am only now realizing the depths of His grace in giving me this.
   So I have a light, as the days have light, whether clouded over, or covered in blowing snow or pelting rain. I have a light! I have Life which is for living! I am the person I am called to be and I am going to, with God's help, live it to the fullest as the woman God made me to be. I pray you will do what God has called you to be and do as well.

   2 Corinthians 4:6-7
For God , who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made His light shine in our hearts to give us light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
Lord Jesus, Today we thank you for Your light and Your Glory. We thank you that you have given to us the ability to shine forth in this world and reflect your light and power in us . In Jesus we pray, amen .

Saturday is coming

            I am excited that tomorrow is Saturday as the weather promises to be nice.
I have heard it is supposed to get to 64 degrees and that sounds most wonderful after days of temps in the teens and the highest being in the low 30's . It is no surprise that we have had weather like this as it is the season for it . Oh but a reprieve already is so welcome. Not to mention I have a project to do that requires temps up to at least 50 degrees. I have three doors to enter this house that need paint so I may be able to get this done. I cant at least do the first coat.
       It is amazing to me how fast the days pass and the seasons change. Life racing on and stuff to be done . So now although I have stuff to do I must remember to live in this moment, this season so that it is not wasted. This time to paint is a good thing and is living in the time I have been given. Today I was working on the lesson for my Sunday school class and it has me reading in the book of Esther . This book is as amazing as Esther herself . She lived in the life she was given and was used powerfully to save her people.  As I read her story I am encouraged to seek what ways God wants me to walk this life he has given me . I want to be wise and not foolish with my time . We are all given a certain amount of days to live and I want to live mine well .
    Ephesians 5 : 15 - 16 says , " see then that you walk circumspectly , not as fools but as wise , redeeming the time , because the days are evil."  Or there is the NIV that says it like this: Be very careful, then , how you live not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
    So as I attempt to paint doors this Saturday I will need to be careful so as to have the paint job look smooth and well done.  A very small job in comparison to the life I am given to live with wisdom .
   Lord Jesus without you I will live without wisdom that lasts and stands the tests of time. So fill me with your wisdom and keep me seeking you with all my heart and mind and spirit. Amen

Clouds

                           Has anyone else noticed the clouds this year ?
                  Is it just me? Or is there a uniqueness to the clouds now ?
I guess I know the answer for myself at least. There is most definitely something beautiful about the clouds I have been seeing this year. It has been happening throughout these last months and I can't keep my eye from looking up to gaze in awe of the clouds in their beauty . This morning as I came to my sunroom for my quiet time with my savior I noticed right away the way the thick,full, rain threatening clouds kept rolling on and off to my left. They drew me in and no matter how many times I keep looking back to my reading and praying I could not help but sneak a peak again and again.
        The sun is now shining through as the clouds have parted quite a bit to allow for its beauty and light to shine. As I type this thought I think about my own life full of stuff that clouds my shine that God created in me to shine out there for those in my basket of life. I do want to be a light for others to see and give hope to in the midst of dark and cloudy days . We all have our lights and those clouds that keep us from shining out . I want to see with God's perspective what those clouds are and how they are meant to make my light shine even more intense than it would without them. I can't dispel all those clouds but I can look at them differently. Maybe that is why this year I have been so mesmerized by the clouds and their beauty. I have asked my husband many times this year " Is it me or are the clouds different ?"   You know I don't think I can tell you how he answered. I have been too busy looking up admiring the clouds.
       Life's clouds can be so intense they sap the beauty of our lights right out of us to the point we are covered in heaviness and weighted down, our light unable to be seen. We can look up to the One who gives us that light and ask for his light to shine in and through us so we can see with his perspective the beauty of those clouds. Today I am praying for His glorious light to overshadow the clouds that threaten to hide my light. His light is above all, and beyond all, and over all!
      At this moment I am able to look at not only the clouds in the sky above me , but my own clouds threatening more rain, worse yet, snow and cold, and say Lord God, you have created me for light and you knew there would be days I am hard pressed to shine .  I need your perspective of my clouds and your power to shine amidst the clouds and all that comes with them . Thank you Jesus .
          Isaiah 42:16
I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known .
I will make darkness light before them , and crooked places straight. These things I will do for them ,
And not forsake them.
  Some times we are blinded by our clouds and the many days we have them . But with God we can keep going as he prepares the way ahead. Amen

Snow Day

                                Twenty one degrees this morning and snow.
Well it is looking a lot more like winter here in Vermont right now and I am reminded I don't particularly like this start to what will be my next four months. We have snow on the ground but not much, it keeps coming off and on but not amounting to much and it is that voice that keeps saying: it is here, the change is now, are you ready? I had to take a run to the bank earlier today and the roads were icy from the snow that packed on it . There are sections of road to where I go do my banking that I have known for years that are treacherous throughout the snow and cold season. I have come upon many a car run off the road or upside down due to the conditions that are worse in that section of road. My drive is about fifteen to twenty minutes to the bank depending on the weather. So I drove safely minding the conditions and surprised that cars behind me seemed to be doing the same. I had no one trying to push me along or pass me so I am thankful.
       Prayer is always the first order of my day and although I had been in prayer earlier I was once again askIng for safety for myself and others around me . Prayer is an amazing thing and holding much power as we (in this case mentally) kneel before The Lord and petition him for needs. In prayer one gets to talk to God and hopefully we listen for him as well. I know I struggle with the listening part many times. Too often I want to tell Him all the stuff that is bothering me and how I feel I need these petitions answered. I wonder what God thinks of his child that just comes to him and rattles off her requests and carries on man times disregarding the awesomeness of the One I am coming to?
As I type this I feel ashamed that I can be so disrespectful to God in prayer. I say a silent prayer of confession to The Lord even now. You see I don't want to treat God like a Santa Claus or genie I want to be mindful of who he is and how he loves me so much at all times. Like the drive to the bank this morning I need to be mindful of the power of the conditions to which I come to my Father God.
    If I always run and just throw up prayers to God without taking thought of Him and what prayer is all about I am going to miss the blessing of His presence like a child who misses the love of its parents in the giving of their time and love in their greedy desire for what they can get .
There is so much more to the relationship between God and his children that we should not want to miss any piece of it. Our  God is a generous God with love that is unconditional toward us . I have life and breath and movement in not only my body but my mind and spirit as well because He gave it to me . So I choose to honor him with my prayer life alone with all my life. I need his help to do this and  that is ok he loves to help me.
  Psalm 73:26
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever .
   John 16:33 ( amplified Bible)
I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have ( perfect) peace and confidence.
   Matthew 11:28
Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

   Lord Jesus ,
Thank you for your presence that stays with me at all times. Thank you for love unending, faithful and always true. I acknowledge my selfish ambitions and prayers prayed in a flurry and with disregard for your desires and love for me . I cannot do my life with out you Lord Jesus, and I desire to know you in new ways . So  help me take time in prayer to listen and then obey. Thank you. Amen

Transplant Day

  

Peace

Today I am transplanting some house plants that were given to me when a dear adopted mom I had passed away.

I am not a good person to have plants but I do enjoy them. In the past I have been one to kill all my plants. So when I was

given these plants I was scared. I love my adopted mom ! I knew she treasured her plants and made them not only flourish but thrive well. So for this plant killing woman to receive these was a serious commitment to the plants and to my dear departed mom. 

   Today I decided with the encouragement of my husband, who by the way has a green thumb, to transplant these beauties

and give them a boost before we settle in for the long winters rest. Surprisingly the plants have done well and are growing 

and in need for this transplant. Now I have no idea what time of year is best to transplant house plants or any of that which comes along with raising well adjusted house plants.  My husband had already gotten me some wonderful soil from out in our field a few weeks ago and I had it  out on our porch waiting for this day. I had brought it the other day to  warm in my kitchen awaiting the day I would do this. The task is nearly completed and I am now waiting on another large bucket of soil to warm so I can complete my project.

    So now I try to bring this blog subject into the realm of my life and how transplanting house plants can relate to my spiritual process with Jesus Christ. In order to do this I looked up the word transplant to get a better understanding of what it means. I love using this wonderful Wordflex app I have on my iPad so this gives me the chance to use it again.  First of all I notice at the bottom left hand side of the page the derivatives and transplanter is standing out to me, but onward to the word transplant I go. Definition: a person or thing that has been moved to a new place or situation. I also see these words : displace, relocate, shift, resettle. move, uproot, and the definition of replant {a plant} in another place. Well this certainly can be a definition for me at this time in my life as well as the whole spiritual life I am living. 

    One of the Scriptures God has given me as I do this online Bible study , "A Confident Heart ", is in Isaiah 43 verse 19 .

This verse is much needed for me as I am facing this place I am in at this time in my life. At times I feel so wound up tight. I guess I can see in this the way those roots in some of those plants I just transplanted were so tightly wrapped into each other. Some of the plants even had a rubber drain thing in the bottom that they had literally wrapped so tightly about that I did not see until I  felt it as I was trying to loosen the dirt to resettle the plant down into the new dirt in a new pot. I wonder now as I sit typing my thoughts in this blog what my life looks like to God {Transplanter}as he is planning new things for me at this time in my life. I am so busy wrapping my heart and my life around the roots of what used to be and all I know right here, right now, that I cannot see what God sees. Is God , like me with these root bound plants, transplanting me into a new pot with new soil for a new purpose? I believe he is ! The plants, unlike me, can't fight me in the process of the transplanting . I don't really want to fight against God but it comes so naturally for me. 

   I know I can trust God for all my tomorrows and have seen him do amazing things in and through some really terrible things. So I will step back and prepare my heart for the transplant that God so graciously does in a wonderful way. I am thankful he does all things well ! He makes no mistakes! I am thankful he sees the things I am wrapped around {like the rubber drain things in my plants } that are keeping me from growing and digging in deeper to get out of this life what He has for me. So today I am praying for this transplant to be a success, not only for my plants, but the transplant God is doing in me.  

     Isaiah 43:19 

 Behold, I will doing a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. 

Lord Jesus, 

  Thank you that you will do a new thing in my life. Thank you that you alone can make my roots to reestablish in this new place you are planting me at this time in my life. Thank you that you will see me through the transplant and that unlike me in my inabilities with house plants , You are the great Transplanter and will not let my spirit die in this new soil you are setting me into. Give me, Jesus , the will and want to to set down in this new place and grow deeper into Your Word and the power you have given me to be a success in what ever this new planting has for me. Amen. 

Think~~>Feel~~>Live

       Today I am all about blogging for my sisters in Christ from my online Bible study.
the online study is all about a confident heart in Christ and knowing who I am in Christ . We are using the book written by : Renee Swope ~ A Confident Heart .  
    In the chapter we have been reading this week she talks about how like a radio has AM and FM frequencies our thoughts have this too. She says that AM thoughts are thoughts against me, and the FM thoughts are for me. This really resonated with me as I so struggle with thinking very negative thoughts against myself. I have done this for so long I couldn't tell you when it ll started. So I sat up while reading and paid close attention to what came next in these pages. I will need to work on my thoughts from here on out in order to change this and become a confident woman in Christ !
    So now I will be doing some processing of my AM thinking and say some statements like : when doubt comes against me I will rely on the truth that God is for me ! And then I will have a verse from God's word to prove what God says about me. His word is for us , yes, that is for you ! God loves us so much and he wants us to be confident in him . I grew up being taught from God's word and knew he loved me but some how I just never have totally believed  to the point of accepting that his great love means I am totally accepted as I am . I struggle with the idea I have to be good enough as isn't that what we learn in this life? I am learning more about Grace , God's Grace, that says I don't have to be perfect, that in fact He made a way for me in my imperfection and that he loves me , wants me , is working for me, that he says I am His Masterpiece .  Wow God's masterpiece ! So many new thoughts and actions I need to put into my life now. If I truly want to get rid on AM (against me) thoughts and have more FM (for me) thoughts I need God's word to be planted deep down in my heart and by memorizing his words of truth I can do just that!

                Psalm 139:13,15
For you created my inmost being ; you knit me together in my mothers womb.
My frAme was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place , when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Days of Rest

                     The walk is done and went well but I needed to shut down for a while.
The Out of the Darkness walk went well for us and in spite of only a month of planning we did good. I have been resting my mind since it was completed and have realized that this was much harder on me than I had thought. The struggle within is much more than I am not a planner or organizer it is that I have lost a son. The actual planning and organizing was the easier of this task because of the afsp director who helped in so many ways and the volunteers and family who made this happen. Now in the after days I am dealing with what brought this walk to be in the first place ~~ my precious son who is no longer here . This time of year is always hard on us as a family . While others are planing and thinking of the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings we are in a different place. Whether we want to deal with it or not it arrives in a stronger more palpable push.
 You see my mom passed in October the same year my son left me . She left just two months before him taking a piece or two of me with her. The reality of that had not even sunk in and then the phone call and the horrendous blow of my handsome, and amazing, life living son was gone. I do not sit and dwell on this day after day as some may think,it forces it's way up and in my face many times .  I choose to live life. I believe life is for living and I want to live it just as that thought had come to me the very night I realized my son was gone and by his own hand. I still believe that thought was a gift to me and maybe God forced that thought deep into me that night as my son knew it in reality from his vantage point above . A gift from the Giver of life and my son I believe .
  So I have been resting and praying and studying the Word of God in these last days since the walk. But the rest is not without memories of my loss and the time of year. I still look forward to family together and the gift of these lives in our children and their life living and who they are. I am so very blessed ! I am so very thankful!  And yet deep within I am so very hurt and so deeply pained and struggling with Zeb's not being here. My mom is greatly missed too and this time of year is hard without her too. Moms are precious and so needed in every day life. As I settle in to this time of year with the cold and snow and all that will soon be upon us here in New England I must draw from the strength of support I have to get through. Already my mind is planning and thinking of  that night and the way we now hold a vigil at his grave lighting candles, talking of what we love about him and being together doing a more positive thing than sitting alone with our thoughts and memories of the way it went down. Some of us will make snow angels for him and mom that night. We take pictures and each year  plan some new thing we can do to memorialize yet another year without him.
And All the while we cannot believe another year has passed with out him , without mom.
    Prayer is an awesome thing and we pray and we sing even and move past that night with sadness but also joy they a family can meet in a cemetery and feel life where one would expect to feel death. We know that mom and Zeb are not there. Their spirits are not , their bodies yes. So we go to their bodies resting place to rejoice even in our sorrow, our dread, for we know we will one day see them again . We are believers in Jesus Christ and his resurrection power so we see beyond this worlds graves. John 11:25 says : " I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in Me will live, even though they die; ...  Our mom and our Zeb believed and so we know that one day we will see them again being believers in the Jesus Christ and his forgiveness of sins and his in dwelling Holy Spirit when we come to him for his power to forgive and remake us.
   Some may believe differently and that is ok but for us our salvation is in no other than Jesus Christ himself .