Seeking where I need to crave Jesus more

     The study I am doing using the " Made to Crave " by Lysa Terkeurst book with Proverbs 31 ministries is revealing our being made to crave Jesus.
  I have known from a child I needed Jesus but being made to crave is a whole new concept for me. I have craved food for comfort. I have needed Jesus for comfort, but now I want to crave the comfort that comes only from my savior. You may already be more aware than I had been that food is not a true comforter . I knew it made things worse as I gained weight and felt miserable but some how the cravings for food always seemed the answer to my need for comfort.
   It has been a while now since I have sought comfort from food as I have some health issues that now prevent me from eating the things that brought temporary comfort. So now this new study made to crave has brought me to a place of seeking what it is that I need to learn about craving Jesus for all of life. I can begin to understand what a great thing craving could be if placed in the One that has made me to crave. So today I have prayed where to start in this new journey of placing cravings in their proper place , dependent on my creator where it alone can be met.
   1 Peter 5:7-8a
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert.
Lord Jesus ,
  I need to see you in the midst of cravings and I also need your help to seek you in the cravings for the answers . Lord, when I am anxious or in need I pray you will help me be self-controlled and alert and take hold of  Your Word for the the satisfaction you alone can bring. In Jesus name I pray amen.

Of Freezing and Icicles

                                          What cold temperatures we are have been living in.
The photo above is from this morning between 7:30 and 8:30 I watched the sky just go through amazing things I had never seen before. It all started with a bright vertical light in the sky that looked like a huge spot light had been set up. The problem with that is the sky was already light enough that I should not have been able to see this spot light, but I could.

                                        It was amazing. I found out this phenomena is called a sundog and it is as wikipedia says: "Sundogs are commonly made by the refraction of light from plate-shaped hexagonal ice crystals in high and cold cirrus clouds or, during very cold weather, these ice crystals are called diamond dust, and drift in the air at low levels. These crystals act as prisms, bending the light rays passing through them with a minimum deflection of 22°. If the crystals are randomly oriented, a complete ring around the sun is seen — a halo. But often, as the crystals sink through the air, they become vertically aligned, so sunlight is refracted horizontally — in this case, sundogs are seen.

As the sun rises higher, the rays passing through the crystals are increasingly skewed from the horizontal plane. Their angle of deviation increases, and the sundogs move further from the sun.^[8] However, they always stay at the same elevation as the sun."    

All I can say is it was amazing and I got to see it for myself. What a gift for me to see. I was telling a friend about it today and as we talked I thought about what the Bible says will happen when Jesus returns for his people.    

1 Thessalonians   4:16-17, NIV. "For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever."

 I can not even begin to imagine what it will be like in the heavens above when Jesus comes down to earth with a loud command . I read this morning in John chapter 12: verses 27-30 that Jesus was saying : " Now My soul is troubled, and what I shall I say ? 'Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour. "Father, glorify Your name." Then a voice came from heaven, saying,"I have both glorified it and will glorify it again." Therefore the people stood and heard it and said it had thundered. Others said," An angel has spoken to Him." Jesus answered and said," This voice did not come because of Me, but for your sakes. " 

 The point I make here is if I thought this light show I saw this morning was amazing well I have not seen anything yet! If Jesus should return in my lifetime I will see far greater things that what I saw this morning because of cold weather conditions. I am ready !  How about you?

 Lord Jesus,

Thank you for the beauty and blessings that can come even in severe temperatures. I was very blessed. Thank you for the reminder of your return one day and the glory and thunder and things to be seen on that great and glorious day. I love you Jesus and look for that glorious day to arrive or my own home coming if that arrives first. In Jesus I say Amen. 

A Raging Battle

      I am on a new journey in a Bible study with Proverbs 31 Ministries. We are currently doing "Made To Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst and the blog hop day has arrived. This is the reason for my Title today of A Raging Battle.  Although this book is inspired by the need to conquer over indulgence in food it is also about many things we could be craving . Food is only one of the things we have as a source of comfort or expression in this life we live.
   The study is still in early start so I am only at the second chapter but am seeing the point that we are made by God to crave. As I look at the made to crave idea  and I am asked the question in this suggested blog post title,  " What other things do you currently crave more than God?" , I am reminded of a sermon I heard at church recently that suggested some things we can want more of than God. So I think God has new insight he wants me to gain. My struggle is that I am in a battle right now and it is more about depression than craving food or material things. I don't even want to have friends fill my empty places or to satiate my heart felt  deep need for a change. I am pondering what I might be craving, or giving place to more than Desiring God.
  If you have ever felt depressed for any length of time then you know that it is not that you desire to be in this place. I desire out !! I crave freedom and a way out of this. I feel so helpless to rise up out and into a place of life with out this emotional struggle. I need to say that in this place of craving for being set free from my depression I am taking active steps for healing. I know some think it is a mindset and you just need to get up and walk away from your depression but this is not the case. This all leads me to think of the lame man who sat at the pool of Bethesda and how he had his lameness for 38 years and watched as many were able to get help into the pool of water the angel stirred so that when people who needed healing got in first, they were made well.( John 5: 1-9.  I suggest you read this for yourself as it is rewarding to read God's word . )
   So at this point in my pondering I am brought back to the Made To Crave Battle : What do I crave more than God? I crave wellness ! I, like the lame man, am unable to heal myself and I have tried and am seeking for help medically and spiritually. I am sure this lame man cried out for help around him to get to the water first so he could receive the healing. He may even have had some one promise to get him there the next time the waters were stirred by the angel and for some reason they were not around at the stirring. What did Jesus want for this lame man? What does Jesus want for, and from me? Jesus himself came to this man and asked him: "Do you want to be made well?" And of course his answer was he needed help to get there but no one was there for him. He knew he could not  get himself there in time for the first of the waters stirrings.  Some one always beat him to it. So when it comes to cravings do we have a part in the deliverance from them? I believe we do. We all crave some thing in this life. Jesus tells this lame man : "Rise, take up your bed and walk." So simple! Such simple words He speaks to this man who has craved healing for 38 years . What was the point to this 38 years of waiting and craving? Of need?
  Cravings lead us to God and our need in no other but him. So if we are made to crave by God for the sole purpose of His filling that craving we have only to keep crying out to Him . Like the lame man of John 5 , we know that our craving is not always immediately taken away by crying out to others or even having some one or some thing to fill us(help us). The things we use to fill the cravings make a huge impact on us but do not deliver the filling we need. When the lame man was asked by Jesus "Do you want to be made well?" The lame man gave his answer and so did Jesus. The lame man had to make a decision to believe and get up and do as he was told. The Bible tells us the man did, that he was made well, and he knew it, took up his bed and walked.
 So what do I crave ? I crave healing and wellness and I can see I desire it more than Jesus . I am crying out and I am seeking a filling that I cannot bring for myself by the craving of it. I need to crave Jesus so much that even if I were called to struggle in a life of clinical depression that keeps me stuck by the pool waiting for healing, I see  Jesus is the answer. I know this last part might not make sense that depression could be part of the calling of Christ but I do know that In this place I cry out to Jesus and that it holds me at his feet many times. I know that I pray for others in a way I never did before and that God can use a time of being down to bring us to the real place of understanding our need to crave. I need to crave the only one who can fill my needs with His great and awesome blessings that do not leave us wanting more. Well, only the wanting of more of Him .
  Lord Jesus,
 We are made to crave you and all that you are. I thank you that you see me in the condition I am in and that you see I have been seeking wellness and healing more than you. In reality I want what you can give me with out the connection or the work that maybe involved to get to the heart of this craving that brings deliverance. I thank you Jesus that you love me enough to take me to this place so you can show me how wonderful you are and how you made me to want more of you. Forgive me for trying to feed my craving for wellness and not seeking more of you. Thank you for the wellness that comes with your presence and the filling up of my spirit as I lean into you and wait upon you in what ever state I am in. In Jesus I stand well no matter the amount of days I sit by the pool watching others receive their healings. amen.

What a day that will be!

              I have been thinking about heaven the last couple of days.
My mom passed away five years ago and went home to heaven just two months before my son Zeb so I haven't really had a chance to grieve her passing much. But the thing is my mom was ready to go and was looking forward to it. She had suffered diabetes and the complications of it and some other heart issues so when she had her femur bone break the first of July, 2008, it was sort of like the last straw I think. But the heaven thoughts are so dear to me for many reasons and other than the obvious of getting to see my son and my mom, a brother I lost when I was eleven, dear friends and other family members, I look forward to seeing Jesus and to experience the wonder and freedom of heaven.
    The week before my mom died I went to see her in the nursing home she was staying in getting physical therapy and care so she could return home. We sang hymns together with my sister and my husband. My mom was glowing and raised her hand to heaven and said I am going home. Of course we believed she was once again rejoicing in the fact the she would go home when her time came but certainly not so soon.
There is coming a day,
When no heart aches shall come,
No more clouds in the sky,
No more tears to dim the eye,
All is peace forever more,
On that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,

And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

There'll be no sorrow there,
No more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain,
No more parting over there;
And forever I will be,
With the One who died for me             This song was written by  Jim Hill .                 
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be

This was the song we were singing that night my mom raised her hand to heaven. So as I have been thinking about heaven I have been thinking of the song as well. Today I came across,once again, a verse that I know my mom held onto and I am hanging onto it as well. 
   In the book of Isaiah 46:4 
  Even to your old age I am He , and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even will I carry, and will deliver you. 
 I need this verse and I am thinking most of us do. So I pray now Lord Jesus for an awareness of your presence . So many times I need reaffirming of your care . Lord Jesus, I believe others maybe in the same place I am in. So I pray for any one else that may need your great presence and comfort. I ask that your grace would be so powerful that it is unmistakeable in their lives! as well as mine Lord. Thank you Jesus for your promises in your word like the one in Isaiah 46:4  and for your love. In Jesus name I pray amen . 

Do Not Be Afraid!

                               I read a devotional that brought the title for my blog today.    
 
   I can't help but take notice when I read a message about not being afraid. Yesterdays blog was about the possible name for my year ahead being "Fearless" so to read "Do Not Be Afraid" is pretty eye catching as well as mind catching.
    As I read this Devotional By Ann Voskamp  she said, " Fears are the bad stories we tell ourselves. "
Wow! Isn't that the truth? I mean I do this all the time. Some times I can start on one little thought and before I know it  I have my worst nightmare happening. I am now at the place where I see the after effects of this surge of thoughts, feelings, and emotions brought on by the follow through after that one little thought getting away from me. A very negative reaction it is too. I am tired of this fear cycle and the worries that I have lived with for so long. I am not sure I like really laying out the real me here once again. Well, this is what I am working on and although I have had victories in this area and have maintained those victories, I still have more to go. So once again today I am thinking about the naming of my year "Fearless".
   Do you think it could be a God thing? I am beginning to really wonder about that. I want to feel a peace in this long fought battle. A peace that passes all human understanding. I know it only comes from God and walking with him through my life's journeys.  I need a dependence on him that holds me fast when the struggles and dreaded things arrive, or are only perceived, as many are just that, perceived and never, ever come to be. I want God confidence that stands tall and long no matter what comes in the course of a day, or even a year. I want to be fearless! I am not sure a total fearless state can actually be achieved. As humans we tend towards some fear and well, lets face it, a little fear is good in some cases. I want the fearless that God may be calling me to as I contemplate naming my year. So I will pray more and settle into the Scriptures I have already been made aware of today . Maybe Fearless is a name to be seen only when I reach my heavenly destination.


    Lord Jesus ,
     You know my deepest places of fear, you know when I rise and when I go to sleep. You know my thoughts before I think them. You know why I lack trust in you in certain areas. I come to you now to ask for not only a name for this year, if this is even necessary (? ), and for more ability to trust in you in all my life's circumstances. I will seek you in this year as I have done for many years, and prayerfully, more so than previous years. I thank you for always hearing me and leading me from fear to trust. I cannot do this victoriously with out you. Thank you Jesus . I pray for any one who reads this who may struggle as I do with fear. I ask that you would envelop them in your great and mighty love and power and take them to your places of victory and grace. Thank you Jesus for loving us and delivering us from our fears. Amen.

 Daniel 11:19

And he said, " O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you; be strong, yes, be strong!" So when he spoke to me I was strengthened , and said, "Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me."

Where, What , Why

                          It sure has been a while since I posted here on my blog.
 I have only been here in my life doing pretty much the usual but some how I lost my focus and have not been able to get back here. Here we are in the second week of January and I am losing focus already. Not a good sign I would say. Tonight I am coming to my blog with no real thoughts to put down just a desire to not let another day go by without posting some thing on my blog.
   I have been thinking a lot about how God has my life in His hands and has all along. I have thought about how he is more than able to take care of me and all that pertains to me. My thoughts are often anxious of late and I am not happy about this . It is not comfortable to be in a state of anxiety and upheaval wondering what if, or what could be. Not to mention the why's I some times ponder. In this new year I want change for my thoughts, the sort of change that changes me from the inside out. I have read about people who name their year and then pray on that for the year . They see results too. I had a thought a week or so ago of a word that I would love to name my year but ironically that word sets fear to my heart.  I will tell you what that word is and you should know this is the first time I have shared it with any one other than God in prayer. The word is " FEARLESS " . Yes it looks as big as it sounds in my head and I have tried to let that word just sort of pass on by. But if I go to this place of thought about naming my year that is the word I still come up with. I made an attempt to get past it with asking my husband to pray about  a name for our year and asking him to suggest a name.
 He has Yet to come up with a word.
    So here I am with you and sharing my thoughts and even praying about that word  for this year. I need to trust again in a new way that The Lord will not give me a terrible thing if I pray for a year of fearless living . A lot of good can come by living fearless with God! I must trust and jump in I think .
I will bring this word to The Lord in prayer each day for a week and see what he shows me. Who knows maybe it will end up actually being my word to name my year.
   Job 31:4
 Does he not see my ways and count my every step?
 Psalm 33:15
 He who forms the hearts of all who considers all they do.
 Lord Jesus ,
 Here I am asking for your  love and peace to rule in my heart and that I would truly become fearless in this year . I ask that the fearless be in the ways you desire for me to be fearless with a change in my understanding. If  I am to become fearless it will only be through your power. I thank you for the love and strength you will continue to bless me with. I pray this in your name lord Jesus and know you are able . Amen . 

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Welcome to Vermont where the weather changes frequently and the  temperatures can plummet to below zero.
      It is freezing here and has been for a few days now. I am not impressed. It is what we do here and we some how manage to get through it. As it is in life we don't have to like it but we do have to some how wade through the tough stuff.
  The picture below is what my husband and I saw on our morning ride around a loop as we have a coffee and pray together to start our day. It is very beautiful here but you can not see in this photo the brutal cold we have going on. The temperature this morning, with out counting the wind chill, was -15.  The sort of cold that will cause cars to freeze up and batteries to fail and on an don it goes. I have been concerned for my chickens and the wild birds I feed. I pray for them, as well as the people who have no heat or live in conditions that are dangerous to their well being in this weather.
   This weather is somehow a reminder to me of how life is so hard and at times like the frozen sod we travel on day to day this time of year. No matter how you bundle up you still have to be able to see so you need the vision to be exposed leaving exposure to the elements if you venture out.
    I did venture out as my bird feeders were depleted the last couple days with such severe temps. My chickens, bless them, keep laying their eggs and we have to collect them as they freeze. Now I want you to know my hens are safe and warm enough for them. I myself have checked out the requirements for their safety in these temps. No hen was injured in the making of the eggs due to the weather conditions. ;)   So I have been watching the birds and seeing how they manage with these severe temps. It causes me to consider how these delicate wild birds dressed only in feathers and little spindly legs can gather outside my windows and with feathers wind blown and fluffed out, survive? They not only survive but chatter and eat and sit upon branches or in the snow on the ground for moments at a time watching and then taking their turn at either ground food or hanging feeders. I am amazed as I think about how God created these birds to be able to survive this and use their bird voices as they do .
    Having analyzed these birds and marveled at the way they live in the severity of this winter I am compelled to look at myself and the life situations that come and how I myself weather them. But even beyond that what has God instilled and graciously blended into my being to weather these storms and brutal times of my life?  We should be amazed at the power of not only our human DNA but the spirit of man and what God has given us to endure what comes our way in the fallen life we live. The Word of God tells us in Psalm 139:14  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.  I am amazed at these truths and that I see it in my daily life in what others endure with cancer and chemo and radiation , so many sicknesses and then the survival of horrific things. Truly amazing what our humanness can endure and survive.
   None of this is easy of course or without pain and fearfulness thrown in. I have limited knowledge of these of things but have seen the strength of people in these dire situations just enough to see the amazing ways they endure. My belief is that God gives that power and it is truly Amazing! So as I continue this winter journey and watch the birds, collect my hen's eggs and come and go in the extremes of not only weather but life, I place my Hope and Trust in God and the saving power of His Son Jesus Christ.

 Lord Jesus,
 I do not understand all the ways of life but I want to come to understand your ways more and more. I pray for others who are in struggles of life whether health or deaths of financial issues , that You the Savior would deliver them and keep them. I thank you for the way  to care for the birds in these extreme temps and I pray you will show us how much more you will take care of us in extreme and quiet times in our lives. For any who do not know you I ask for a wide eyed open experience of your delivering power with in and without. In Jesus Powerful name I pray. Amen

Happy New Year!

                                                    Welcome to 2014 !
   It is quite amazing that we get up one day and we are in one year and then  upon waking  we are in another. I was thinking about our marking of time yesterday and how it all adds up to what? Time passing? Aging ? Days? Months ?  But all these things we live would continue to be even of we did not mark it as we do. I am not sure what value there is in my thoughts about this but it does bring me to consider what my life is about and what direction I want it to head. It seems a lot to consider as I tackle these thoughts.
  Some one once told me that to not set goals would bring about no goals achieved . This does not mean I did not accomplish any thing but that I have no marker to guide what I would like to gain as my days pass. Hang in with me here as I lay out my thoughts . I am not necessarily a goal setter. I do at times set goals and even follow through on them. I am a stay at home wife and work at my house in spurts and flits as a bird would feed at a feeder. Not so impressed with myself as I type that out but it is truth . As I consider my comparison to birds I must think about what a bird accomplishes as it feeds in the way it does . A bird is coming and going at the feeder for the purpose of nourishing and sustaining it's very life. My household work, cleaning and organizing does neither to keep me alive or sustain me physically really .  Right now I want to trash this post and start with some thing new but maybe there could be some thing salvageable in this as I consider what my 2014 should look like .
   I am at the threshold of a year, as are you . I sit here typing on a blog that some one may read and my goal for this blog is to inspire or give courage to another. My goal is to express myself and share personal experiences that maybe some one else has some understanding about, maybe make a new friend ,or bring new meaning to my life. Do you see the pattern to my life in spurts and flits?  Some people couldn't stand my way of life as I am too unconcerned about goals or a schedule . Some times I cannot stand my way of not setting a goal for much needed accomplishment . It is my prayer for this year to not seek a life that another person would set a marker to and say " she has value as she gets things done, she is goal and task oriented , she makes her life count by x,y or z!" It is my prayer to seek God this year in a new way ! I pray for a change in me by His power that makes a difference in some one else's life and of course in my own as well.
 Isaiah 43:19 says :
  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up: Do you not perceive  it? I am making way in the wilderness and streams in the wastelands.
 I don't know about you but I need a new thing to spring up. I am weary of feeding off what others think of how I live or don't live my life. What counts is what Jesus says about me! What counts is that I walk in His truth and His light and accomplish what he has set for me to do. So I am seeking his truth and proclaiming it over my life. I am just now seeing as I type this these last words that I do perceive this new thing being done.
   Lord Jesus ,
 Many are the days we live and many of these days can seem futile and meaningless. Lord Jesus we need a new beginning. We need You! Jesus speak into our hearts Your truth and set us free to mark our days as you see fit. Set our goals for us and give us your wisdom and peace to get it done. Lord we ask for you to begin a new thing in us. Thank you that you are making a way in our wilderness and help us see the streams you have placed in our wilderness. I praise you Jesus and thank you for this year ahead . In Jesus I pray . Amen