A new study

                      It has been so long once again since I posted here on my blog .
Life has been happening and I have been caught up in it. And that is a good thing as I am in the middle do life as we all are. Our daughter graduated from college and celebrating had to happen of course. Our son came home for the festivities and we had a busy time with family.
   We have had all sorts of goings on here at our little homestead with a neighbors rooster coming daily to visit the hens and stirring up trouble. My poor rooster was also attacked by our other neighbors' rooster who has done this in at least one other summer . My rooster is a very able fighter so he won the fight for his ladies . I watched closely so no rooster was injured, not much more than his rooster ego. ;)  
   I was amazed by the way this whole rooster stuff went down. The one rooster showed himself  in an aggressive way and the fight was on . I must say I was proud of my four year old roosters spunk and stamina fighting with this younger rooster . I am not sure of the other roosters age but had heard the you can tell maturity by the spurs on the rooster. If this is in fact truth my rooster is definitely the older guy. Then comes, Henry, the further neighbors rooster. He is totally different in his approach and because of it he was received differently.  This rooster ran like crazy when mine came at him. Oh what a sneak he was though. He came back cautiously and would run again when chased after. All the while every chance he got he would seek out my hens that were not close to my rooster. As I watched this I began, as I so often do, to compare this situation on a parallel to my own life issues.
  I will have temptations come that I beat away with God's word and a hArdy fight . And then ....
There are those temptations that come and I will pray and use some verses and they seem to hover on the sidelines and I am too busy to really do business with them. Or is it like my rooster they seem less threatening to my spiritual health ? As I watched this unfold I could see the error of my roosters being passive in his approach to this intruder.
  This has set me to being more vigilant in my awareness to life's temptations and how I approach them. There is no room for sharing my affections with temptations for they are deceptive and destructive to my spiritual health and well being. I think God had a purpose far more than just two neighboring roosters giving my rooster a few added fights and chases. I love looking at the natural world about me to see what God might want to show me in my spiritual life.
  Call me crazy if you want but I see God at work in the study of the animals about me .
 Lord Jesus,
 I thank you for the simplicity of the life you have provided for me here. I thank you that you can reveal your truth in three roosters interactions that have nothing to do with me in the nature of things. I am so blessed to be your daughter with the great love you have for me. I love you, Jesus . Make me a blessing to others I pray. Amen 

About a Goose :)

                                               Hello!  Once again it has been a while.
Life just continues to be busy for us here. Our daughter will be graduating from college this weekend and it seems there is no end to the things that keep cropping up for us to be busy with. In the midst of this busyness though I continue to take my time apart to seek the wisdom of God. I spend my time most generally in my sunroom.
  The last few months we have had our neighbors goose hanging around in our driveway. This particular goose has been less noisy than the last one and has less attitude as well. The neighbor had come to us and said this female had a thing for the mirror effect of the bumpers of vehicles and would look at herself in them. As the days progressed she began coming to our porch area to hang out.  We have an issue as she leaves remnants of her being there. NO one wants to bring goose droppings in on their shoes. I have to admit there was some inner struggle going on here. After all the neighbor should realize this and do something about his erring goose. My husband began chasing her back to the neighbors barn. The neighbors daughter came a number of times and chased her back. On and on this has been the case. She has a mate and for a little while it seemed they were staying close to the barn and we thought finally it was done. Until a couple weeks ago she once again started her journey back to the drive way. Yesterday as I sat in my sunroom and I heard her honking and moving closer and closer to the porch. I sat up and paid attention to what she was doing. I realized she was admiring the other white goose in front of my porch. What you ask,  "You have two geese? " No we do not have any geese, but what we have is two large windows that we have set for a wall in front of the little porch area. It is here she stands for hours on end gazing at what she apparently thinks is her lover. She turns her head one way , then the other . After a while she walks into my little porch are and she looks within longingly like she is thinking he will be on this side. She even runs her beak on the glass and rubs her neck against the glass. I feel a bit sorry for her. She is deceived by her own reflection in the glass.
    You see, Alice, that is her name, has a gander mate in the barnyard but he is not enough. He does not meet Alice's idea of an ideal gander lover. As I sat watching her I gathered an understanding of this bird who has been getting on both my husbands and my nerves I was aware of her plight. But what about my own plight? Now I don't mean the plight of a goose hanging at my door and leaving nasty droppings that can easily be tracked into my home. And her latest thing hissing and at times heading at me threateningly. I am referring to the plight I have with my own desires for  other things than what God has given me. Do you know what I mean? God has given me many blessings and sometimes I don't see them as a good thing. They lack in my fleshly desires some mirror like brightness. Maybe they seem less glorious than I would want and need. I was taken back as I watched that goose trying to get satisfaction from a window that has no ability to meet her need for a gander mate.
   Where are you going with this you might ask? What I'm saying is  I need to seek satisfaction in no other than my Jesus and his blessings. It doesn't matter what it might be that I think I have need of. I need to seek God and his ways, his will, or I could be like Alice the goose chasing after an image in the  reflection  of a window. Like, Alice, I will never be satisfied and will spend hours needlessly wasting my time when all the while I have what I need right in my own backyard.
2 Corinthians 4:18
So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

  Lord Jesus,
   I know that I, too, seek what is not real satisfaction . I am in need at all times of your guidance with a strong push away from the things that seem to me to be the better and more desirable answer. Thank you that you will have no other gods before you and that you know that I need you. Thank you  that you are the real deal! Thank you that you can use this goose to make me aware of my own self-seeking ways. Thank you Jesus that you will draw me away from the self serving and self satisfying ways I seek that are not from you. Help me to hear and obey you as you reveal these  things to me. Amen

Behold, The Lord's Hand is not Shortened

          That it cannot save;  Nor His ear heavy that He cannot hear.    Isaiah 59:1
   
       Hello! It has been a while. I have lost track of my blogging. My heart has not been in it.
It seems like all hell has broken loose at times in my life lately. As I type this out I wonder what does it matter if I post here on my blog. This is a place for me to express myself and I hope that it may some how let some one else know they are not alone on their struggles.
   So the verse in Isaiah that I put above is a favorite of mine because it tells me that God is not unable to help me in these places I find myself. I don't know about you but I need this word today , and many days. I wonder as I go over this verse what does it mean nor his ear heavy that he cannot hear?
 Heavy ? How can an ear be heavy one would question ? So I will ponder this for a while and give it a go on trying to understand it. The only thing I can come up with is if some thing heavy it is weighted down , overloaded. So if I think of it this way I can say : God's ear has not been overloaded and weighted down with the cries of others' troubles, the chatter of any given day of millions of people's voices and needs coming to him. He always has his ears listening to my cries whether they are joyful cries or desperate ones. Also his hand is never unable to reach me . He is never too far away so that he can't come get to me. What a peaceful place to be . I am thankful for this truth that God has given me in His Word.
  How about you ? Does this verse comfort you ? Can you see your Heavenly Father as I do? His ear ever listening? His love always surrounding you ?
 Tomorrow is resurrection Sunday and as we prepare for the celebration of our saviors resurrection from the dead we can rejoice that he is always seeking us. That he loves us and holds our future and he cares so very much for us that he went and was crucified for our sins, he who never committed a sin. He took our sins on himself and the punishment we deserved. He took it to the cross and was crucified with them and then after three days he rose up from that grave bringing life eternal for us who believe .
 Lord Jesus,
 I thank you for this verse and the comfort that you are ever near, That you hear me always and you are never unable to reach me and help me. Jesus, thank you for your gift of salvation ! Thank you for your taking of my sins to the cross and taking my deserved punishment on yourself so that I can have forgiveness and cleansing and eternity with you my precious Savior. Thank you for the cross . I love you my Jesus . Amen

Where My Heart Is.

                                     Good morning and thank you for stopping by!
    It has been such a wild journey the last few weeks and I am hoping as I am entering into this beautiful spring season and the upcoming resurrection celebration I will see less wild and more quiet days.
  Today my heart and mind is on my precious son who is already in heaven. I have been doing a lot of reading whenever I can snatch the time and mental quiet it takes for me to focus lately. I borrowed a couple books from my local library about parents grieving the loss of a child and one on suicide. I am really enjoying the book : When The Bough Breaks : Forever After The Death of a Son or Daughter by Ph.D Judith R. Bernstein . I think this book is the closest to right on to what I have experienced as a mom after losing my son.
I am also enjoying some other devotionals and continuing with my online Bible studies with Proverbs 31 Ministries and so enjoy the fellowship provided through this ministry. 
 I was reading Joni and Friends devotional this morning and was so inspired by her words about resurrection . She used this verse and I was so blessed as I thought that my precious boy would be in his resurrected body at the trumpet sound.

1 Thessalonians 4:14-17

New King James Version (NKJV)

14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.[a]

15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord.
 What a precious day that will be when not only will I see the finish of what God has promised but I meet with my son and can look at him and talk to him again. I don't know about you but I look forward to heaven . I pray you are ready for the great and glorious day that is coming whether by death or His coming in the clouds with the trumpet sound. 
  Lord Jesus,
   We need you so much . All about us many times is stress and trials and we struggle so. We ask for your mighty hand to hold us and bless us and prepare us for your return. Lord, for any that do not know you and have not received the gift of salvation I pray for them to have their eyes of understanding opened and that they would freely receive your precious life eternal gift. In Jesus I pray amen.

Times are tough all over!

                                                IT has been a tough week here.
 And wait the week is not over yet.
                                                My dad is not well and we have been on the road a lot this week going to the hospital to see him.
                                                I am weary and even now I should be in bed but here I sit.
I was remembered that I have a blog I like to tell my story at and so here I am.
                                                It is so hard to watch your parents age and the is beyond aging in my book. I am sacred in a lot of ways!
                                                I don't like admitting this as it seems to make it worse. But I have done it and will not take it back.
                                                My dad is struggling with not only his physical health but his mental health. I hate the ravaging of age.
                                                 But I know my Redeemer lives and will bring about what my dad needs even when it does not appear that way.
                                                 I know what God's word says and He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. I will choose to seek God and believe even when I cannot see the end from the beginning.
                                                 How about you?
Will you pray for me and my family right now? I thank you ! God bless you!
 



           And call upon Me in the day of Trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor Me.
                             Psalm 50:15



 Lord Jesus,
 I call upon you in this day of trouble and the last number of days of trouble. I pray for deliverance for my dad.I pray for mercy for our family. And Lord for all who are struggling with the things of Life and Death I pray for Your care in the most choicest ways to be pressed down into them and given in an abundance beyond what I can ask or think. In Jesus I ask, Amen. 

Where am I?

Hello!
  It has once again been quite a while since I posted here. I feel out of it . Although, I have thought about writing I just never got to it. I have been busy with health issues and company. I even have been getting out to enjoy the snow we have gotten a couple of times. Life can be so full of things to be done that I forget to think beyond them and enjoy what God has sent me to be thankful for. So to get out and ride the snow machine with my husband into the great woods is a gift I long for even when I want Spring!
 We had a new granddaughter born at the end of February and we are so happy at her arrival. We have yet to meet her in person but we wait expectantly for the day we can. We have many things yet ahead for us, God willing. Our daughter will graduate college in May so a party to plan and prep for. I am not a party planner and not so good at having a lot of people to tend to at one time but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I will need His strength and His wisdom for this.
  I have been having some health issues which are taxing me right now. My blood sugars have been an issue lately and I am not up to the abilities I have normally so I will be relying on the Lord for all of this as well.
I hope you are well and enjoying what life has and that it is good with you.
  I must run already as I have a doctors appointment but I wanted to check in and say hello . I leave you with the first verse I laid eye on this morning.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

– Romans 15:13 NIV

The Storm Arrived!

                                   So here is what I am looking at today after the storm has hit.
   I guess it is not finished and is expected to keep on throughout this day and end some where around eight pm. I know right now we have winds that are really blowing things around. Whew ! I guess winter wants to have a say before it must eventually end. What can one say in answer to that? Nothing. We must take what comes, or we could move to a more agreeable area of the country or the world even. ( Scratching my head here doing some thinking) ...
   So it is interesting weather for sure but I am inside my home here warm and comfy playing at my computer. Earlier though I was watching a video someone shared and I saw people that were clearly homeless and living on the street. I was taken up short at the sight. I felt pangs of heartache for these lonely  people sitting on a street all the while  knowing I don't appreciate, as I should, all I have. I prayed for these nameless, faceless people that are throughout our world sitting in various places of helplessness, with varying reasons for their helpless states. What is it that separates us who have a place and those who do not? Why are they in this situation and I am not? One might say our choices. But I am not so sure that is true of every single person stuck in this place of being without . I used to hear my dad and mom say, " But for the grace of God that could be me/us."
  I must say I agree with that statement they made all those years ago. At any given time I could have chosen a path that could have ended up with me in a place of desperation like this. Or someone else could have made a choice that changed my life and brought me to this. While it is good to give thought and prayer to these lost and homeless people, certainly there must be more than thought and prayers to be done! After all we are the hands and feet of God while here. So I am going to seek out some information and pray for some ways I can somehow make a difference. I did one time some years ago help a homeless lady a number of times but it has been far too long since I did that .

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'     Matthew 25:40              http://biblehub.com/matthew/25-40.htm
  
 Lord Jesus, 
Thank you for making me aware again of others who have greater needs and that  you care deeply about. I ask for your wisdom and follow through  to be a person who does for one of the least of these that you will show me. Thank you for my home and warmth and for the blessings I have. I pray even now for those without who need basic needs met.  Bless them even now. In Jesus I pray amen.

Spring may be on its way !

                                       We are so close to the calendars date for spring
   It is hard to wait for spring after a long cold winter. Now that we are so close the weather has warmed and I have gotten to go on snow machine rides with my husband a few times now. It is lovely! What just got back from another ride to the woods and it is so refreshing and sets the craving for spring even deeper within me.
  We ride the very trails we hike all spring and summer and this passing over those trails is just a prep for the more pleasant hikes we take. I always miss my dogs when we go to the woods on snow machine. My dogs are  definitely feeling the cabin fever. I have seen it in them for a while now. I so want to say, "come along dogs we are headed for out walk ." I don't really need to say that as they are always watching me and ever ready for a walk at the drop of a hat. Of course for now I am still not ready to hike them through the deep snow with their tender feet that we never acclimated for the winter hikes.
   The weather report is saying we have a big storm headed our way. It is due to start tomorrow morning and lasting into late Thursday night.  Does that sound like spring to you ? Well having lived here in New England I know that is exactly how it is most springs. We can get a larger storm dumping a foot or more in back to back storms in spring. Having said all that it is still exciting that we have changed the time again and we have longer daylight time. It is exciting knowing that not so long in the distance we will be outside more than in . I believe it will make me appreciate the warm weather and days of no fire to tend more than I did last summer.
  So today I am thanking God for the spring and what is ahead here in a change of seasons again. I will have to deal with some more snow and even mud season on this back road we live on . In the end it is all part of the way it is here and with God's courage set in my heart I can continue to appreciate the change of seasons.

He changes times and seasons;  

    he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise
    and knowledge to those who have understanding; 

Daniel 2: 21

Lord Jesus ,

 Thank you for this season and the promise of change . We all need some change and the awareness change can bring . Amen 

Still here and alive.

Hello !
   It has been a while , hasn't it?
The winter has sort of stumped me this year. I seem to be up and then a bit down the next. This has to be the longest winter I can remember in some time. We have cold and now even colder temps even as the Spring is just around the corner.
   My husband and I have marveled that we could think it may have warmed up only to realize it is below zero, still. We get a chuckle as it shows how we have adjusted to these cold temps that seem unrelenting. The thing is we are not staying out in the cold but the usual "brace yourself" for the walk to the car  hasn't seemed  bad. Then we speak of it being warmer, until, we read the temp gage for the outdoor temps, then we laugh. It was nine below zero this morning and I am shocked how it felt so much warmer to me than that. It proves how we can adjust and get used to things after a period of time.  We sort of have a distorted view/sense, a bit like the picture above I took the last warm up when I snow shoed to my sanctuary.
  I cant help but wonder how many other places in my life I am living with distorted views/senses? We know that certain distortions can be hazardous to us. If I had taken off this morning for a walk in the temps  dressed as I was it could have been a bit uncomfortable and worse if I were to have kept going in it. I am far too cautious when it comes to cold to take that sort of risk. But I think I am careless when it comes to my spiritual health many times. I am not always so concerned with  the effects of my careless, distorted views/senses. I want to be in the here and now and aware of what dangers lie ahead, or even  about me. At times though, in periods of winter to my soul I am very careless and distracted. Or is it just that I am complacent in what I am experiencing as we have been this winter with days on end of cold?
   I know one thing for sure that God is changing things and always up to something in my life, and yours as well. He is always busy with his love for us. He never changes and he is enough for us and  all this life has unfolding for us. I am amazed by his great love and patience with me. He doesn't get complacent or ever stop watching out for us. Praise the Lord for that or we might be frozen in place with some of the stuff we have to deal with.
 

Proverbs 4:26-27

New King James Version (NKJV)

26 Ponder the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established.
27 Do not turn to the right or the left;

Remove your foot from evil.
                                                                                        {  copied from BibleGateway.com }
 Lord Jesus,
 Thank you for your unfailing love and the surrounding of your children with Your loving hands. We need you for this day. We need you to help us ponder our paths and to keep us from turning to the right or left, and even keeping our feet from evil. We thank you for your gift of forgiveness and the cleansing it brings to us. We thank you and praise you. Amen
I leave you with the song I have been listening too for this week. A real blessing to my heart and I trust to your too .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuJWQzjfU3o

New Life and New Beginnings

                                          We got good news a few days ago now.
   Our newest grandchild was born what a gift to us and our son and wife.  I have not yet been able to get there to meet this little girl and I can hardly wait to do so. This is grandchild number three and I am always amazed at the awe I feel at a new baby born to one of my own children. We have another one on his way too, in June, to one of our children , what wonders to see. Such a sweet, sweet time in life for us.
 New babies can bring old memories and longings from days gone by. It seems so hard to believe that I am at this stage in life. The years have flown by it would seem but of course this is not so.  The years have come and gone and I have loved some years more than others. I see now what I miss of those past years. I see the things I wish I could have done differently and the ways I wish I had embraced life in more peaceful ways. But I have now! I only have now! SO I will embrace this wonderful new time with new babies and children I love .
  Where are you in this time of your life? Are you seeing new life in your own? I am seeing a need for new life in myself . I am needing new vision for this time in my life. The time passes so quickly that I want to not miss what God has for me. So I am seeking a new plan from God . I get so caught up in my moments that I don't always feel like I will see or know what he has for me.
   I am seeking for His wisdom and which way to turn as I set a course for what is to be the days ahead for me, beyond a grandmother of three with one more on the way. I must not forget my being a wife to my wonderful husband either. I set my course as I have always done remembering that first and for most I am the daughter of the Father of all creation and I want to see His truth lived out in my life. After all He is the giver of the life I live.
  Lord Jesus,
    We all need a vision for our days. Some days we need them more than others or we feel like we will fail miserably . Lord, I pray for us to all receive your vision for what you have for us in the days and weeks ahead in this year. Thank you for your love and care and for all you will do in and through us. Oh, and thank you for my grand babies and for the gift of life. In Jesus name I pray amen.

Matthew 6:30-33 (MSG) 

30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Matthew 6:30-33

New King James Version (NKJV)

30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Collecting Sunshine

                                                               Today was from the start
                                    just more cold like what we have had throughout this winter.
      I long for Spring to arrive now. This is just not going to happen so you do what you have to do.
We were blessed with glorious sunshine today and it stayed throughout the day. I took advantage of it. It started with a sense of tiredness that took over earlier this morning so that I decided to listen to it. As I went to lie on my bed I spotted sunshine on my husbands side of the bed. Without hesitation I headed for it. It was glorious and warm reaching to the places in my mind that are so craving the Spring. Of course the sun moves in the sky so I had to keep shifting myself to stay in its glow and warmth but this, too, was worth it. At one point my dog Poppy was so warm she was panting like it was summer heat.
  After a while I knew I had eggs to collect and fires to tend so off I went to do what is necessary. The sun was so refreshing and I was ready for getting back to it. Before I knew it it was past lunch time and I could see that sun still shining and knowing it is so warm I headed to the upstairs to my favorite bedroom . It is my daughters room but I want that room.  It was as I knew it would be full of sun so  I dropped onto her bed and stretched out . I syayed much longer up there but I am not feeling bad about it at all ! I needed that sunshine and the rest I got in it. I thank God for this day and the sun he blessed me with. I also thank him for my wonderful husband who made me a bird feeder to replace the fancy one we had bought last year that the pesky squirrels chewed and destroyed. I don't believe those squirrels can destroy this one .
   I hope you had a wonderful day today. God bless you and thanks for reading my post.

   

Life has Beauty

                                                                    I love this picture!
It is so bright and it calls me back to my favorite spot to sit and be aware of what there is to be enjoyed in the great outdoors. It may not be another persons idea of beauty but for me it represents so
Much peace and quiet, and beauty. I know what it sounds like to sit here in all the seasons. I know what it has been for me through chest wrenching grief and success through deep snow to arrive here.
  This is my sanctuary and where I meet with The Lord in many ways. God is so good to give me so much beauty to experience, and he meets me here.
 Praise The Lord ! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Psalm 150 : 1
Psalm 146: 1-2
 Praise The Lord ! Praise The Lord, O my soul! I will praise The Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.
 Thank you Jesus for the gift of this sanctuary and for the life I have . Amen 

Learn to Embrace the Benefits Instead of Resisting the Hardships.

 "  Learn to Embrace the Benefits Instead of Resisting the Hardships. "  Lysa Terkeurst
 

 I just love this saying and I have been using it a lot since I read it! Amazing day I had today on a snow shoe-ing hike I took to the back fields here behind my house. I need to say that a few times as I fought through the depths of that snow and my snow shoes were coming off behind my heels I was unsure I would get there. I mastered it though. I set my goal for the back tree sanctuary that I love to sit in and just relax.

A couple times I did not know if my first adventure out to snow shoe this year was going get me all the way to my desired destination. I stopped a number of times as my heartbeat was racing and pounding in my temples. I prayed and hiked on until I had to stop again. I "embraced the benefits of the work out and resisted the hardships" and kept moving forward. I reached my goal!

I need to continue to embrace the benefits instead of resisting the hardships in my daily struggles to keep my focus and reach for the goals I have, and will have, in Christ Jesus.  On to the rewards of seeking my Savior and finding him in it all.
  I am doing as The Lord God Almighty says , Giving careful thought to my ways. Haggai 1:7
 I have circled this mountain of depression and loss,fear and anxiety, along with discontent, grief and escapism long enough. Now with Gods help and the sound of his calling: I am Heading North . Deuteronomy 2:3
Thank you Lord Jesus, for the blessings of your calling on our lives. Thank you that you go with us and lead us. You never leave us or forsake us and you cover us before and behind and encircle us all about. Thank you Jesus. Amen 

Learning new things

                                                                         Haggai 1:7
                    This is what The Lord Almighty says " Give careful thought to your ways."
 
     I am having some break throughs in my life right now as I search the Word of God in doing this online Bible study over at proverbs31 online bible study.  I was struggling with the new study in trying to find out what it is God wants me to be working on changing as I work on what it is I am using to fill the cravings that were meant for God alone to fill. It isn't that I had no idea of what things I crave but more that one of those is not an issue at this time. Eating sweets has always been some thing I have struggled with but have had some health isssues the last year so I had to cut sugar out. This has lead to some healthy changes for which I am thankful.
   So I have been praying I would realize what I am to be working on and I believe The Lord has revealed to me that I am filling my time unwisely. Now this is no surprise to me as I tend to escape into mindless DIY programs and Pinterest and the like when life seems overwhelming. When my grief is strong and life is just wearing on me I shut down and try to forget what is painful. This is a habit that I have stuck to now for the last five years or so since I lost my mom and my son. Now I see that The Lord wants me to seek him,crave his presence when what I really feel I need to escape to places that make me forget, that sedate the pain and the sinking feelings of my life. These things are not bad things but the problem is I need to get my healing from Jesus and not escape to some thing that can never fill the ache of life. So I am setting some goals with Gods help and I am going to work at resisting the temptation to escape and get free of my pain. I will by Gods grace go and receive his healing power and move away from escapism and into his life giving freedom.
  Deuteronomy 2:3
 " You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn North!"
Thank you lord Jesus for revealing your truth to me and asking me to move on from this circling of the mountain . I will need your help to set my goals and plans for moving away from this pattern of life. Thank you for your working in me and delivering me . I pray for others on a journey as mine and ask for their deliverance as well . Thank you lord Jesus . Amen

I Long for the Easier Times

                   A new day arrived and here we are already nearing the end of it.
                    Amazing how fast days go and how fast our lives do the same.

       So I long today for the easier times when the loved ones who have left me were still around.
  I long for the easier times when my heart did not know the searing loss of a son, my mother's absence and long days of pain.
   I long for the Spring when the sound of the peeper's is so loud you can hardly sleep.
I long for the Summer and the heat it brings, the tall grass and butterflies and creepy crawly things.
   I long for the easier days when youth was secure along with the the color that was in my hair.
I long for the freedom to walk with ease and not know of the heartache of dreaded disease .
   I long for the easier times when mom was my closest friend and she told me stories of day without end.
 I long for my Jesus to wake me in Heaven and the freedom that comes as I see eternity.
    Along with this longing I thankfully praise for all that I have known and the Savior who sees.
Along this journey I walk hand in hand with the One who has taken the Victory Dance. The dance of the savior who lived and then died , only to rise with eternity His. I praise for the freedom to know I am saved and knowing I will one day see the one's I  love once again.
    I long for the streets of God and the Lord who took my sins and carried them to the cross for cleansing of them.
  I praise him and thank him for the children he gave and the blessings of a life with each single one.
 

 Today I am longing for the easier days that passed far faster than I would have foreseen. I long for the touch of the baby hand reaching. I long for the sweetness of toddlers creeping. I long for the words of a child to his mother when still an innocent love for his mother.
  As this day is ending I lift up my heart to the giver of life and thank Him again for the life I have.
 

Lord Jesus,
 Thank you for the days I live and what you give. Thank you for the kids and the fun we have had. Thank you for grandchildren and the sweet sounds of love. I Love you Jesus and need your compassion in every longing I have for the easier days.  Thank you, Jesus,  amen .

Happy Valentine's Day!

   Well we have a whole lot more of the white stuff on the ground today.  Here we are at valentine's day and we get hit with a foot of snow, but it is ok in my book. We have a a while yet to see old man winter blowing storms and cold at us. But we have hope that is closer to us then when we started .

   In that thought is the truth for me as a believer that I have hope closer to me now then when I began my faith journey as a child. Amazing how the struggles and heart aches of life can now be considered hope being closer to me. But it is ! And I am thankful for this hope that I hold to that surrounds me like a warmth that keeps me secure. I may not always feel secure but at the worst places in this journey it is what I cling to.  At times I feel desperately lost in my struggles and yet hope comes to My rescue every time .

   Today on this day we celebrate love I am celebrating The Love of Christ Jesus my savior!
The hope I have comes from Him and sustains me, as the Word of God says , to my gray hairs.

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon The Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.

Sunny on the Outside and Sunny on the Inside too

                                                  Hello and welcome to this sunny day!
I am so thankful for prayers said that change the heart and mind of people. The other day as you may have read here on my blog I was having a very difficult day grieving my son. I was miserable and couldn't see the light beyond it. I poured out my heart here and I believe others prayed for me. I know a lady came along side me from my online Bible study at Proverbs31 ministries and she prayed for me and encouraged me, along with sharing her losses with me. Within a short time that grief lifted and I was able to do a 90 minute workout. Now that is some serious answers to prayer I think!
  I love that God is at God near at hand and that he cares for us and all we care about. It is such a peaceful place to be when I am resting in His love and care. There is a renewed hope and sense of strength as I move away from that strong place of grief. My son won't be coming back to me and it has not changed since Monday when I hurt so deeply but my heart was touched by Jesus and by the prayers being said for me. There is a hope in this moment and every moment I walk close to Jesus and let him hold my hurts and cares. So once again I can stand up and brace the truth of loss and all it's hard ache and deep pains while stepping back and letting it go and not holding it back but coming around to the deep sense of peace as Jesus takes me and leads me back into the land of the living.
  I praise The Lord for his unfailing love to me and that he holds my son with him and is holding me with the same loving arms that keep me going.
  Lamentations 3:19-26
Remember my affliction and roaming, the wormwood and the gall. My soul still remembers and sinks within me. This I recall to mind, therefore I have hope . Through  the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, his compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. " The Lord is my portion," my soul says ,"Therefore I hope in Him !"  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of The Lord. 

Today Let Me Be Real,Please !

                                                          May I be real with you today?
These photos are of my son who is no longer here in this life. He may not be alive and well and living the life of a young man but his memory and the ache of missing him is real and active! I hurt and I am tired. The pain is holding me down and threatening to keep me down.
  I have to work at living in the here and now and to not be suffocated by the pain of his being gone. It would seem I am useless at times because my emotions are so strong and pain cuts so deeply it keeps me held almost captive to it. It all seems so wrong and I know I am a child of God and he is ever present, always helping me, but I am still human! I am still a mother who is crushed by her son's death. Although I carry no scars on the outside my heart is torn apart and it tries to heal only to be ripped open where healing has begun.
 Please don't misunderstand me God has done many things in my life over the last 5 years. He has healed me in ways I cannot fully put down yet in words, but there is this constant process it seems.  I want my Zeb!  I want him all to myself. I want  him to be here. I want to hug him and say "I love you!" I want to hear him say he loves me too! I don't want to keep waking up, as it were, and being hit with this reality again and again that he is not here! He will not be returning, he is not living his life, and I will not go to him nor will he come to me and share in what mom's and their kids share in . It is done, finished, 22 years of life gone just like that!
   I had the opportunity in the last couple days to talk with a couple people about him and I love to talk about him. The thing is, it is all past tense now and the raw of his death is always right now. The struggle is on like a light that wont go out. Today I need the Word of God but I don't want to read it. I know terrible. It is what helps and gets me through but today, right now, I feel angry again. I am out of sorts and in pain and I will have to trust that God is taking this to His loving heart as a prayer for help. Today is not a day where I toss my head up and heavenward to look into the distance  and see my son waiting for me to arrive. It is not a day where I try to get beyond this and be an encourager. It is a day I come to you and say I am hurting and I could use encouragement and prayers. So I pour out the reality here of who I am and what I am feeling, living right here, raw and real. I leave you with this verse.
 Isaiah 58:11 " The Lord will guide you always, He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden , like a spring whose waters never fail."

Winter's Hanging ON

       I am struggling this winter and it has been a while since winter seemed so long to me.
For some reason I can't get past feeling tired and blah and like I am fighting some health issues every couple days. This does not make for a nice winter. Recently I ordered one of those light boxes to try and give me a boost and it does help, but the health is in need of a boost as well. What I would love is a nice long walk in the woods and to sit by the stream and listen to the sounds of it while watching the little water skippers going across the top of it. But for now I am stuck inside unless I want to snow machine to the back woods and ride through the woods. I will be doing that with my husband this weekend as we got snow enough this week to allow for this . Yaya!!
   I cannot wait for it to warm up enough, above the current below zero mark, so I can snow shoe to the back fields and really get a fresh air work out. Right now I am feeling a lift just thinking about all this outside activity and what a blessing. My hens are waiting impatiently for their freedom too, and for the bugs to return along with the grass. Free range is the song I hear them singing these days.
    The other day I went to collect eggs. When I am there I talk, yes talk, to them and pet them in the nest boxes. This one hen , I call all my hens Henny-Penny , and my rooster is Mr. Cockadoodledoo, yes, silly but true. so Henny-Penny she was all happy and sitting on an egg and I  was chatting away telling her what a good girl she was and thanking her for her egg, all the while I am petting her and she enjoying it. Then she lifts up and as she does she lays an egg right there in front of me. I was amazed !!! The egg she was on was not her own obviously and I got to see her lay her egg which was a nice thing for me.
   So winter is long and I am weary of it but I manage to find distractions and things to be thankful
For. Now if I could get my body to be thankful and back to a balance in this last month or two, we never know Here in Vermont , it would be a blessing for me . I hope you are getting a good season where ever you live .
  Matthew 11:28  " Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Lord Jesus , I am weary of winter and my health is not happy . I lift this weariness to you and I ask for any one reading this blog post who may be in the same place I am, or worse, Lord to be blessed with your strength and healing . I pray for warmth in spirit that you alone can deliver that lasts and gets us through . Thank you Jesus for hearing and answering this prayer. In Jesus we pray amen. 

Thursday blog hop

                                              Isaiah 45:3

                                                        New King James Version (NKJV)                                                         I will give you the treasures of darkness

And hidden riches of secret places,
That you may know that I, the Lord,
Who call you by your name,
Am the God of Israel                                               

Today is Blog Hop Thursday at our online Bible Study over at Proverbs 31 ministries and I have chosen the verse above from their topic suggestions to share here on my blog.                                                                    

  I have been thinking since Sunday when this verse was posted about the first  eight words in this verse." I will give you the treasures of darkness"  and I keep going back to the fact that darkness is not always looked at as holding any sort of treasure.  Many people are afraid of darkness so how could they feel a peace being told that they would be given treasures of darkness? 

 As I think on this I begin to focus on the fact that this should be cause for questions in prayer to God asking what treasures are you talking about, Lord Jesus, in darkness? Of course as I already am aware from sleeping out side in the dark of night there are innumerable treasures in the night sky alone. I see the stars and the milky way and the awesome night lights that shower me with the beauty they hold and it brings me near to tears at the wonder of how Big my God is. Then here he is telling me in this verse he will give me the treasures of darkness. WOW! 

 Then there is the fireflies that do their mating lights in the summer. The crickets and night sounds that you don't hear in daylight.Oh yes, what can I have for treasures in darkness that could even outweigh these earthly things he has blessed us with? The verse goes on to say " And the hidden riches of secret places." Now I am thinking in the area of God's Word on this part and I know as I have read the Bible now for many years that it has revealed new things to me at different times as I needed.One of the treasures of God's Word is it's being alive and active to feed new truths to our hearts and minds. So I see here the hidden riches of secret places in light of one definition of hidden that says:prevent (an emotion or fact) from being apparent or known; keep secret ... At the right time God reveals the truth ~ hidden riches of secret places ~ maybe the secret places of His Heart , love that thought. Then at the right time because of his great love for me he gives me these treasures in darkness and the hidden riches of secret places. He says He does this that I may know He is the Lord and that He is the God.

  I have lots more to think on and am so blessed by His word! I hope this is a blessing to you as well. 

  Lord Jesus,

    Thank you for Your great love for me and Your Word that brings life and treasures to those who read it. I am so thankful Lord Jesus that you have given us your breath of life in the Words of the Bible. Thank you . Amen 

Seeking where I need to crave Jesus more

     The study I am doing using the " Made to Crave " by Lysa Terkeurst book with Proverbs 31 ministries is revealing our being made to crave Jesus.
  I have known from a child I needed Jesus but being made to crave is a whole new concept for me. I have craved food for comfort. I have needed Jesus for comfort, but now I want to crave the comfort that comes only from my savior. You may already be more aware than I had been that food is not a true comforter . I knew it made things worse as I gained weight and felt miserable but some how the cravings for food always seemed the answer to my need for comfort.
   It has been a while now since I have sought comfort from food as I have some health issues that now prevent me from eating the things that brought temporary comfort. So now this new study made to crave has brought me to a place of seeking what it is that I need to learn about craving Jesus for all of life. I can begin to understand what a great thing craving could be if placed in the One that has made me to crave. So today I have prayed where to start in this new journey of placing cravings in their proper place , dependent on my creator where it alone can be met.
   1 Peter 5:7-8a
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert.
Lord Jesus ,
  I need to see you in the midst of cravings and I also need your help to seek you in the cravings for the answers . Lord, when I am anxious or in need I pray you will help me be self-controlled and alert and take hold of  Your Word for the the satisfaction you alone can bring. In Jesus name I pray amen.

Of Freezing and Icicles

                                          What cold temperatures we are have been living in.
The photo above is from this morning between 7:30 and 8:30 I watched the sky just go through amazing things I had never seen before. It all started with a bright vertical light in the sky that looked like a huge spot light had been set up. The problem with that is the sky was already light enough that I should not have been able to see this spot light, but I could.

                                        It was amazing. I found out this phenomena is called a sundog and it is as wikipedia says: "Sundogs are commonly made by the refraction of light from plate-shaped hexagonal ice crystals in high and cold cirrus clouds or, during very cold weather, these ice crystals are called diamond dust, and drift in the air at low levels. These crystals act as prisms, bending the light rays passing through them with a minimum deflection of 22°. If the crystals are randomly oriented, a complete ring around the sun is seen — a halo. But often, as the crystals sink through the air, they become vertically aligned, so sunlight is refracted horizontally — in this case, sundogs are seen.

As the sun rises higher, the rays passing through the crystals are increasingly skewed from the horizontal plane. Their angle of deviation increases, and the sundogs move further from the sun.^[8] However, they always stay at the same elevation as the sun."    

All I can say is it was amazing and I got to see it for myself. What a gift for me to see. I was telling a friend about it today and as we talked I thought about what the Bible says will happen when Jesus returns for his people.    

1 Thessalonians   4:16-17, NIV. "For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever."

 I can not even begin to imagine what it will be like in the heavens above when Jesus comes down to earth with a loud command . I read this morning in John chapter 12: verses 27-30 that Jesus was saying : " Now My soul is troubled, and what I shall I say ? 'Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour. "Father, glorify Your name." Then a voice came from heaven, saying,"I have both glorified it and will glorify it again." Therefore the people stood and heard it and said it had thundered. Others said," An angel has spoken to Him." Jesus answered and said," This voice did not come because of Me, but for your sakes. " 

 The point I make here is if I thought this light show I saw this morning was amazing well I have not seen anything yet! If Jesus should return in my lifetime I will see far greater things that what I saw this morning because of cold weather conditions. I am ready !  How about you?

 Lord Jesus,

Thank you for the beauty and blessings that can come even in severe temperatures. I was very blessed. Thank you for the reminder of your return one day and the glory and thunder and things to be seen on that great and glorious day. I love you Jesus and look for that glorious day to arrive or my own home coming if that arrives first. In Jesus I say Amen. 

A Raging Battle

      I am on a new journey in a Bible study with Proverbs 31 Ministries. We are currently doing "Made To Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst and the blog hop day has arrived. This is the reason for my Title today of A Raging Battle.  Although this book is inspired by the need to conquer over indulgence in food it is also about many things we could be craving . Food is only one of the things we have as a source of comfort or expression in this life we live.
   The study is still in early start so I am only at the second chapter but am seeing the point that we are made by God to crave. As I look at the made to crave idea  and I am asked the question in this suggested blog post title,  " What other things do you currently crave more than God?" , I am reminded of a sermon I heard at church recently that suggested some things we can want more of than God. So I think God has new insight he wants me to gain. My struggle is that I am in a battle right now and it is more about depression than craving food or material things. I don't even want to have friends fill my empty places or to satiate my heart felt  deep need for a change. I am pondering what I might be craving, or giving place to more than Desiring God.
  If you have ever felt depressed for any length of time then you know that it is not that you desire to be in this place. I desire out !! I crave freedom and a way out of this. I feel so helpless to rise up out and into a place of life with out this emotional struggle. I need to say that in this place of craving for being set free from my depression I am taking active steps for healing. I know some think it is a mindset and you just need to get up and walk away from your depression but this is not the case. This all leads me to think of the lame man who sat at the pool of Bethesda and how he had his lameness for 38 years and watched as many were able to get help into the pool of water the angel stirred so that when people who needed healing got in first, they were made well.( John 5: 1-9.  I suggest you read this for yourself as it is rewarding to read God's word . )
   So at this point in my pondering I am brought back to the Made To Crave Battle : What do I crave more than God? I crave wellness ! I, like the lame man, am unable to heal myself and I have tried and am seeking for help medically and spiritually. I am sure this lame man cried out for help around him to get to the water first so he could receive the healing. He may even have had some one promise to get him there the next time the waters were stirred by the angel and for some reason they were not around at the stirring. What did Jesus want for this lame man? What does Jesus want for, and from me? Jesus himself came to this man and asked him: "Do you want to be made well?" And of course his answer was he needed help to get there but no one was there for him. He knew he could not  get himself there in time for the first of the waters stirrings.  Some one always beat him to it. So when it comes to cravings do we have a part in the deliverance from them? I believe we do. We all crave some thing in this life. Jesus tells this lame man : "Rise, take up your bed and walk." So simple! Such simple words He speaks to this man who has craved healing for 38 years . What was the point to this 38 years of waiting and craving? Of need?
  Cravings lead us to God and our need in no other but him. So if we are made to crave by God for the sole purpose of His filling that craving we have only to keep crying out to Him . Like the lame man of John 5 , we know that our craving is not always immediately taken away by crying out to others or even having some one or some thing to fill us(help us). The things we use to fill the cravings make a huge impact on us but do not deliver the filling we need. When the lame man was asked by Jesus "Do you want to be made well?" The lame man gave his answer and so did Jesus. The lame man had to make a decision to believe and get up and do as he was told. The Bible tells us the man did, that he was made well, and he knew it, took up his bed and walked.
 So what do I crave ? I crave healing and wellness and I can see I desire it more than Jesus . I am crying out and I am seeking a filling that I cannot bring for myself by the craving of it. I need to crave Jesus so much that even if I were called to struggle in a life of clinical depression that keeps me stuck by the pool waiting for healing, I see  Jesus is the answer. I know this last part might not make sense that depression could be part of the calling of Christ but I do know that In this place I cry out to Jesus and that it holds me at his feet many times. I know that I pray for others in a way I never did before and that God can use a time of being down to bring us to the real place of understanding our need to crave. I need to crave the only one who can fill my needs with His great and awesome blessings that do not leave us wanting more. Well, only the wanting of more of Him .
  Lord Jesus,
 We are made to crave you and all that you are. I thank you that you see me in the condition I am in and that you see I have been seeking wellness and healing more than you. In reality I want what you can give me with out the connection or the work that maybe involved to get to the heart of this craving that brings deliverance. I thank you Jesus that you love me enough to take me to this place so you can show me how wonderful you are and how you made me to want more of you. Forgive me for trying to feed my craving for wellness and not seeking more of you. Thank you for the wellness that comes with your presence and the filling up of my spirit as I lean into you and wait upon you in what ever state I am in. In Jesus I stand well no matter the amount of days I sit by the pool watching others receive their healings. amen.

What a day that will be!

              I have been thinking about heaven the last couple of days.
My mom passed away five years ago and went home to heaven just two months before my son Zeb so I haven't really had a chance to grieve her passing much. But the thing is my mom was ready to go and was looking forward to it. She had suffered diabetes and the complications of it and some other heart issues so when she had her femur bone break the first of July, 2008, it was sort of like the last straw I think. But the heaven thoughts are so dear to me for many reasons and other than the obvious of getting to see my son and my mom, a brother I lost when I was eleven, dear friends and other family members, I look forward to seeing Jesus and to experience the wonder and freedom of heaven.
    The week before my mom died I went to see her in the nursing home she was staying in getting physical therapy and care so she could return home. We sang hymns together with my sister and my husband. My mom was glowing and raised her hand to heaven and said I am going home. Of course we believed she was once again rejoicing in the fact the she would go home when her time came but certainly not so soon.
There is coming a day,
When no heart aches shall come,
No more clouds in the sky,
No more tears to dim the eye,
All is peace forever more,
On that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,

And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

There'll be no sorrow there,
No more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain,
No more parting over there;
And forever I will be,
With the One who died for me             This song was written by  Jim Hill .                 
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be

This was the song we were singing that night my mom raised her hand to heaven. So as I have been thinking about heaven I have been thinking of the song as well. Today I came across,once again, a verse that I know my mom held onto and I am hanging onto it as well. 
   In the book of Isaiah 46:4 
  Even to your old age I am He , and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even will I carry, and will deliver you. 
 I need this verse and I am thinking most of us do. So I pray now Lord Jesus for an awareness of your presence . So many times I need reaffirming of your care . Lord Jesus, I believe others maybe in the same place I am in. So I pray for any one else that may need your great presence and comfort. I ask that your grace would be so powerful that it is unmistakeable in their lives! as well as mine Lord. Thank you Jesus for your promises in your word like the one in Isaiah 46:4  and for your love. In Jesus name I pray amen .